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how to help a family member who is abusing alcohol or drugs

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Someone in your family has a problem with alcohol or drugs. What can you do to help?

Everyone's Problem

You might think that an alcohol or drug problem belongs to the person who is drinking or taking drugs. But if a family member has a problem, then you have a problem too.

Families operate as a system in which each family member's behavior affects every other member's behavior. The abuser's behavior affects all family members, producing painful and difficult feelings in response. At the same time, the other members of the family — unintentionally — develop patterns of behavior that make it easier for the problem drinker or drug user to continue their substance abuse. This behavior is referred to as enabling. Here are some examples of enabling:

• Denying that there is a problem, or dismissing the problem as a small one.
• Rescuing the abuser from the consequences of his or her alcohol or drug use, such as by "calling in sick," covering up for a broken promise, or lending money.
• Taking over the abuser's responsibilities, making allowances, forgiving unforgivable behavior or to continue trying to be loving and caring in the face of abuse.
• Reinforcing alcohol or drug use by participating in occasions where it is used.

All of these behaviors allow the abuser to keep using alcohol or drugs in destructive ways. Enabling allows the alcohol or drug abuse to progress to a more serious stage and worsens the prognosis for a successful recovery.

What Family Members Can Do

Believe it or not, your best chance for helping your family member who is abusing alcohol or drugs begins by changing yourself. Below are suggested guidelines to help:

• Learn as much as you can about the drug being used, alcoholism, addiction, treatment programs and the recovery process. Alcoholism/drug addiction is not caused by lack of willpower or moral decay. It is a treatable disease.
• Get help for yourself from a health professional who specializes in alcoholism, drug addiction and related issues. Ask your employee assistance program for a referral, or look in the yellow pages under "drug abuse" or "alcoholism."
• Join a self-help group for families of drug abusers, such as Al-Anon, Coke-Anon, or Narc-Anon.
• Stop enabling. Stop rescuing the abuser from the consequences of his or her actions.
• Try to get the abuser to get treatment. Work with a health professional to plan a way to intervene in your family member's alcohol or drug use.
• Once your family member is receiving treatment, remain involved in their treatment. Continue to show that you are concerned about their successful recovery.
• Take good care of yourself and expect a difficult period. Becoming a drug-free family takes effort, time and patience.
• Continue to focus on getting better yourself, no matter what. All interested family members need to join together in an effort to create healthier lives for themselves, even if the abusing family member chooses not to get help.