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Developing Your Self Confidence

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Have you found yourself wanting to acquire the unbeatable advantage of self-confidence, yet at the same time believing this was something you could not attain? The fact is, self-confidence is attainable. You can develop or improve your self-confidence.

"First, realize that you don't acquire self-confidence overnight," explains psychologist, Denise Bonner, Ph.D. "You develop it through a systematic and ongoing process. This process is based on the snowball effect. A single act of confidence creates a feeling of confidence in yourself that, in turn, creates further and more ambitious acts of confidence."

"The process is like learning any new skill. At first you feel awkward and uncomfortable. You make silly mistakes, clumsy attempts. But the more you practice, the easier it becomes and the more natural you feel. Before long you have acquired a new skill. By acting self-confident, by practicing building self-confidence, you become self-confident."

"The feeling of self-confidence builds it's own momentum."

"Building self-confidence is based on the psychological principals of negative and positive reinforcement," Dr. Bonner continues. "You act and your environment reacts with a response to your action. A self-confident action will create a response of respect from your environment."

"For example, you are asked by your boss or a friend to volunteer your time and skills for a project. You do not have the time or desire to accept the request. Your self-confident action...answer with a full-bodied voice tone, a simple direct message stating your decision to reject the request. The person making the request may not like your answer, but will respect your decision. This respect is your positive reinforcement, which results in future acts of self-confidence."

"Similarly, an un-self-confident act elicits an unfavorable response or none at all, which, as negative reinforcement, can discourage you and reduce your self-confidence level. For example, instead of responding as in the above example you hem and haw, speak in a squeaky, strident voice tone and never answer the request. This response will not elicit respect. And, your self-confidence level will be reduced."

"By acting self-confident, your environment perceives you as such and that becomes the positive reinforcement of your behavior that you seek. The positive reinforcement increases the likelihood that you will act similarly in the future. First comes the act of self-confidence, then the feeling. It becomes a natural ongoing process. The feeling of self-confidence builds it's own momentum."

Guidelines To Help Build Self-Confidence

1. Greet people you meet with a smile. When you introduce yourself in any new association, clearly state your own name first. Extend your hand first, looking the person in the eyes when you speak.
2. Always say "thank you" when you are paid any compliment, by anyone, for any reason. The ability to accept a compliment is the universal mark of an individual with self-confidence.
3. When you make a mistake, look at it as a learning experience, not as a personal rejection.
4. Practice building a confident self-image. Relax and then form mental images of yourself acting confidently, seeing and feeling every detail in your imagination.
5. Analyze your voice. Pay attention to the tone quality and rate of speech. Practice speaking evenly paced, enunciating precisely and using a full-bodied voice tone.

"Of course, to continually develop an integral part of you, the seeds of self-confidence require supervision and nourishment," Dr. Bonner concludes. "You need to be continually aware of your self-statements, the way you act, and your attitude. It takes knowledge and perseverance. But with a little hard work, a little practice, and a great deal of determination, you can develop the confidence you need."